Thursday, March 1, 2007

Don't bother coming to A+E....

Please don't come this week, unless you really really have to. I'm not joking. Unless you are one of the minority of patients who are actually attending for valid reasons i.e. an ACCIDENT....or in an EMERGENCY situation (yes, it really is that simple, its not rocket science, its on the front door for all to read!). I promise you that "problems" you have which are self inflicted, stupid, chronic or things that "I was going to see my GP but I didnt get round to it" will be met with extra disdain. At the best of times we don't have much sympathy for you coming in with your sore throat which has been there all week and you havent even bothered trying something as simple as going to the pharmacist before taking the plunge and coming into A+E.

This week, and probably the coming weeks are different. Its a very very special time for several reasons.
1) Below-inflation pay rises for NHS staff. Yippee, our job sucks and you want to effectively pay us even less for the anti-social, below par working conditions..I hope the nurses actually do what they threatened and have a strike...then we can also strike with a clear conscience...problem is we're too scared of being seen as the "baddy"....
see this link to read more

2) Most of the doctors working their socks off in the hospital now face the prospect of NO job come August due to a very ridiculous computer-selection procedure which tested creative language skills rather than clinical skills thus throwing some very skilled clinicians with poor writing (read: embellishment/ plagiarism/ assistance) skills. You may have noticed that the doctor treating you has a tear in his eye. No its not because he is so empathetic, its because he is literally on the brink of breakdown because he has spent the last 10 years of his life training to be a doctor, accrued lots of debts, has a mortgage and 2 kids and will possibly be forced to either leave the country to find work, leave medicine altogether (Waste of £250000 taxpayers cash in trainig on both counts). Or go and prostitute himself in some other way to make ends meet. Generally looking quite grim . He certainly won't be sympathetic to you showing him your verucca because it hurts. You probably do not have any idea what real pain and agony is (Unless you have had a heart attack or a baby perhaps). I, being the infamous Dr NoNo with my powers of extrasensory perception and psychic ability saw all this coming a long long time ago and hence am calm in the face of a storm. Bizarre really for a wound up, control obsessed Type A personality....

So, have a heart this week at least. Don't get p*ssed and fall flat on your face then punch your best mate in the jaw and drag your sorry selves into hospital to be seen. Don't dump granny at the moment let her relax a bit under the covers. If you have a temperaure, take some paracetamol and stop calling the ambulance for back pain that you've had for 4 years.
Just for the moment...just don't bother*

[*Disclaimer : If you think you may be having a heart attack, or your bowel is perforated or any other serious complaint along those lines its still acceptable to come in...sympathetic exceptions will be made for you]